I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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