You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize