And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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