Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
