i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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