Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
