if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Randomize
