I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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