Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
