my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
