Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
