Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i believe in u and ur pee
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
