i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
