You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
