let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
