There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wanna passion pit in your ass
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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