I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
