Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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