What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just gargled with NyQuil
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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