Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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