this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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