Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
