i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
