Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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