We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
