I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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