shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
