If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
