Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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