Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
