i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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