I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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