Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
