My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
