If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
