Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My dick has a subreddit
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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