my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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