She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
