Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
