i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
