I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
