Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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