Fuck appropriateness.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
