I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
