i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
