Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
