I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
