YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
