He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
