so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
