haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
