i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize