1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
