Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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