Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I will die if light touches me.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
