I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He? As in you personified your dick?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
