fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
