I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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