just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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