Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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