I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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