Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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