You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
