My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
