May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
