Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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