He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
