i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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