I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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