Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
